The Geek Mythologies

The joys of pole dancing

I have taken up pole dancing as my latest interest/exercise, following a pole dancing party I attended a few weeks back. It is seriously good fun, but don’t let that fool you. It hurts and it is hard, dam hard. I don’t just mean the pole, the floor hurts too.

My best friend and I have signed up for a 12 week beginners course, which gives us a one hour private lesson each week and use of the facilities 5 days a week for pole time practice if we want. We started out with an enthusiastic plan on Monday, we booked in for our first lesson and being rather eager minded we booked a couple of poles for an hour of pole time to follow immediatedly after our lesson, our theory being that we could practice our new moves right away. Our lovely tutor looked a little more than amused at this suggestion, and told us bluntly that we would be hating her within the hour. (Try 45 minutes lady..!!) Our sweeter than sweet tiny little pole dancing instructor swears she will get our bodies into shape before our 12 weeks are up, thats if it doesn’t kill us first.

Our first lesson was fantastic, we threw ourselves at the poles with great enthusiasm, spun around backwards and then forwards, and soon learnt that what goes up must come down. We haven’t learnt to slide down the pole gracefully yet, and we hit the floor with the thud of a sack of spuds being dropped. We have carpet burn on our knees and feet hidden amongst the bruising.

I have been weighing up the pros and cons of gym membership vs pole dancing membership. Pole con: the weight is not adjustable, you have to hold your own body weight. Pole con: there is no blending in, you cannot hide behind a pole. Pole pro: We have the personal trainers undivided attention. Pole con: We have the personal trainers undivided attention..

A pole lesson is a complete workout session, it includes warm up and warm down exercises, stretches and evil bitchy things called pole squats. Don’t even ask.

By the time our first lesson had finished we were wrecked, seriously physically wrecked. Broken in fact.The pair of us could barely muster up the strength between us to put our shoes on, and we teetered down the stairs holding onto the wall for dear life as our shocked leg muscles wiggled and jiggled in agony. Did we hang around for our pre scheduled after lesson pole time, like hell we did. We were out of there slower than dead snails, in desperate need of a walking frame to lean on. We staggered together to the nearest coffee house and collapsed into some chairs wondering how the hell we were going to lift our coffees to our mouths.

Going along with the no pain no gain theory we dragged our far from being in shape bootys back into the studio yesterday for some pole time to practice our new moves. We have to perfect what we have learnt before our next lesson you see, because each week we will be adding new moves onto our routine. By the end of 12 weeks we will have ourselves a well perfected routine and there is an expectation that we will not only do it well but will look dam fine doing it. Fingers crossed and keep an open mind..!!

I also had my Salsa dancing last night, so today I am a little worse off for wear. I can barely lift my arms to scratch myself, I have bruises on bruises along the insides of my arms and legs, my shoulders hurt, well hell everything hurts, from my shoulders to my knees. My friend hurts in all the same places too, that is my only comfort. I would be so gutted if she wasn’t in agony too.

But we have a plan..the poles are available for hire overnight and my birthday is coming up, we will see how we go and maybe hopefully it will be so much fun if we do..we just might probably have a pole to dance on at my party!!! See if you can top that, Bren!

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