Up Up Up
In the words of Shania Twain, Up up up, things can only get better for me. Things are changing for me right now, and to be honest with you I couldn’t be happier about it. I’m referring to my long term ongoing battles (it’s been over 2 years) with the ex, father of the weenies.
For the first time since the break up the youngest weeny has had some sleep overs at her Dads house, she’s stayed with him for 4 nights in the past week and is going to stay with him for another sleep tomorrow. I was initially concerned with the whole sleepover thing and how it would go, but it’s been going great, extremely so. Our wee child is beaming with happiness and has the best of both worlds. She has a home with Mummy and (finally) a home with Daddy too. This is something that I have been pushing for for a very long time and now that it has finally come to fruition it is fantastic. The change it has made to all of us involved has been positive and happy and such a good thing.
The ex is changing too, although I dare say he hasn’t noticed it himself yet. For months I have been attempting to draw him into a conversation, you know, the type that goes both ways and involves two people talking to each other. And for months all I have managed to muster out of him has been the occasional grunt or words like ‘nah’ or ‘yeh’. This morning he not only grunted at me, he actually spoke. I do believe that we actually at long last had a two way conversation where we took turns speaking and listening to each other. *GASP!* It’s true, it happened, and I am stoked.
The next thing on my agenda for communicating with the ex is to get him to acknowledge me with a greeting, a mere ‘hello’ upon arrival, and an acknowledgement when I leave, a mere ‘see ya’ would suffice. I don’t ask for much, but basic manners certainly go a long way especially with setting an example in front of the weenies. And it’s nice when I am not the only person who speaks.
Who knows, this time next month I may be able to report that the ex smiled at me or told me to have a good day, it’s a long shot I know but I am working on it, believe me. He is challenging to deal with by every means and you know full well that I thrive on challenges. I don’t give up and I don’t like to be defeated. But I do look forward to the day when I no longer have to put so much effort into trying to draw him out, he is not my partner anymore and I am not responsible for him. I just want him to be a damn good Dad to our weenies, and be comfortable to have open communication with me. Like normal people do.
2008 is the beginning of the rest of my life, and I welcome the positive changes coming with open arms and enthusiasm.
I am strong, I am happy, I am loved, I love. I am safe.
30
Dec
hmmmm…dont get ya hopes up too much girl, my parents split 9yrs ago, and my old man still grunts, occasionally throws in “stupid old bat,” more reasons for me to be hell bent on being the opposite of my father for my children (who are imaginary at the mo, but one day…)
Im never having children. thats reminds me my yearly subscription to durex must be up soon…..HA HAAAAA
The first year we were separated we were closer as mates/parents and had a lot of fun together and worked well as a team, communication was better than it had ever been. I just want that back, everybody was happy and it worked well for all of us. It’s not easy to have the person who was my best mate for the past 12 years refuse to speak to me. I dont want my kids growing up with tension between us, I have the willpower to make it so much better for them. I will not be a typical divorced woman full of scorn, thats just not me at all. I am a positive happy person and that is my strength.
If you don’t mind me asking Slink, whats your Mum like towards your Dad? He grunts and calls her a bat..what does she do?
bitches bout the missing child support and lack of attention he shows us, otherwise civil, and laz how could you not want kids?
Oh. Thats exactly what I do not want to be, a scorned ex wife. I am confident and carry myself well, I do not believe in holding onto the past and dragging it into my everyday life. I believe in leaving space for the new to enter, and thats where I am at now. Making space and embracing change, looking and moving forward, one step at a time. But I do admit I would prefer to skip a few steps and just run for it.
easy slink, when you look after kids that are not yours, you can give them back to the parents when you have had enough> But you cant do that with your own. Also I do not believe myself to be mentally stable enough to bring children up in a positive and loving manner.
I know of divorced couples who holiday together with their new partners. Not many, but some
My parents did get on quite well after they divorced, before my dad met my stepmum. She is a psycho and completely ruined my parent’s friendship but that is all due to her insecurity and jealousy
Things do change when a step parent becomes part of the family. It’s up to the adults to behave like adults and ensure that the lines of communication remain open.
And news on the ex, he is conversing more freely now and said ‘have fun, see ya’ to me yesterday. Good on him, I knew he had it in there somewhere.